Op-Ed: From Queens to Oxford

18-year-old me in 2016 at the 179 Street station on the F line. Jamaica, Queens, New York City.

When I started my studies at the Dalton School as a seventh-grader on scholarship, everything changed. Instead of going to public schools within a 5-block radius of my apartment populated by other first-generation, low-income, multilingual Black, Indigenous, and students of color, I now had to commute for an hour each way to the luxurious Upper East Side that made up the worlds of Gossip Girl and Sex and the City. I was now surrounded by the white children of wealthy people, who asked for the location of your family’s vacation every break as their parents paid over $40,000 in tuition every year for over a decade. When I joined the class of 2016, who had been together since kindergarten, I was one of the two first Latinx members of the class — both of us got in through a program and generous financial aid. 

Studies have established the relationship between weak ethnic identity and worse mental health in Latinx and other racialized populations, including increased risk of suicide and substance abuse. I was not aware of it at the time but within a couple of years of graduating from Dalton, I started expressing to people that I thought my substance abuse, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, and everything in between, stemmed from the transition to a classist, white supremacist environment during the already difficult era of adolescence. I had an epiphany in particular when it set in that I was trying to grasp onto something in a space where I had zero ties; there barely was any space for me to begin with.  I did not know how to be or where to look. I tried to fit in but it just wouldn’t work. I was not wealthy, I was not white. I couldn’t play the game and eventually, once my white, wealthy boyfriend during junior year of high school began to explain to me that he thought white people were inherently superior (pointing to colonization as evidence), I realized that there wasn’t anything in this system that served me. I walked away and decided to build something grounded in my culture and my self, with the inclusion of other racialized, low income non-men with similar values. I’m so grateful to them for taking me in during such a vulnerable time for me.

It’s been a journey that has also manifested into Central American Disruption and a lot of the loving relationships I’ve formed with you all. I’m SO thrilled to announce that I’ve been accepted to my dream program at my dream school, the Master of Science in Migration Studies at the University of Oxford. It makes me even happier that my proposed research topic focused on studying the effects of U.S. policy and intervention in Central America on migration from the region, observing that we have only seen more migration as more neoliberal policies are implemented and imperialism continues. The Central American immigrant population in the United States more than tripled between 1980 and 1990, and the number since then has further increased by 137 percent between 1990 and 2020. While policymakers and government officials continue to tout local culture and corrupt governance as the root of the “migration crisis” and offer neoliberal policies as the solution in countries such as Guatemala, Batz asserts that the U.S. government under both Democrats and Republicans has historically worked in favor of the Guatemalan elite to maintain a corrupt political system. As vice president in 2014, President Biden promoted neoliberal policies that promote private foreign interests in his Alliance for Prosperity, which has been considered a failure; since 2015, the number of asylum seekers from Mexico and Central America increased by 318 percent, with those from Central America making up over 72 percent of the said population by the end of 2020. Yet, as Biden appointed Vice President Kamala Harris to tackle the root causes of migration, similar neoliberal policies are still the name of the game. Establishing the impact of U.S. policy on migration from the region would radically transform the assumptions that popular discourse on Central American migration is currently based on, as well as highlight significant forces behind sociopolitical processes in the region. It would provide an accurate depiction in line with the experiences and demands of campesinx and Indigenous land defenders resisting U.S. imperialism in some of the most dangerous countries in the world for environmental defenders.

Many of you have been kind and supportive once knowing me, and that has been a very unfamiliar experience for me. During high school, I was largely not seen as a person worthy of attention or consideration both by faculty, peers, and family due to my identities, confidence, and/or struggles at the time. Unfortunately, once I started excelling academically and bettered/performed better mental health, that changed. I understand how people look and speak to you when you’re not “successful” and how they do when you are. It’s disgusting and it’s something I’ll never forget. I am not more worthy than I was back then; I was always kind, curious, strong, intelligent, and determined. I thank everyone who believed in me and invested in me before I “proved myself” and succeeded within such elitist metrics. I’m aware of privileges that have granted me admission to this space and those that will allow me to navigate it. I’m also scared of going back to a PWI (especially in Europe), but I am grateful for being so strongly grounded in my self, community, and values this time around. 

I have yet to hear back about funding but I’m starting to plan how to fund my way to England this fall. Meanwhile, I’m going to be focused on enjoying my free time and investing into my hobbies. If there’s are books or media you recommend (Central America / Americas related), please feel free to comment below.

Thank you everyone for any type of support or love you ever sent my way. THANK YOU! I could not have gotten here without it.